Taking the scenic route – EPY week 1

Friday, the end of my first week on the Enterprise Year.

I started off my week telling people that I wanted to have a business making dolls, two days later I knew one thing, I’m not spending the year making dolls.

Just as a supermarket wouldn’t describe themselves as a milk seller, what I want to do is so much more than doll making, but what exactly?

In between talks about managing my time, being creative, even a trip to a pipe cleaning business I’ve been trying to sum up what exactly I want this business of mine to do/be. Listening to people talk about their own business ideas, and success stories, slowly getting ideas in my own mind and then BANG!

Like a marathon runner hitting a wall on the 23rd mile, I hit my wall on Wednesday evening.

Not so much a physical wall, rather a feeling that my head was full. I’d heard enough and couldn’t take in one more single piece of information. So I went to bed.

I’ve said before that I’m a voice hearer, which means (at least for me) that having to concentrate on one person talking is really difficult. That’s why I usually have my knitting with me, it distracts the inner voices enough for me to concentrate. But being in a new environment I wasn’t sure how people would react to me knitting while they spoke about their love and passion for their business, so I didn’t knit, and it was terrible.

By Wednesday night I had had enough, I needed rest, and yet, lying in bed I was wide awake. At 1am, I got up went into the kitchen looked in the fridge, then got back in bed. 2am, I opened the window to let some fresh air in. 3am I closed the window because a neighbour had worried me with tales of being robbed. 4am, I turn audible on and listened to a travel book. At 4.30am I woke (yep, I fell asleep) with an idea for business, I wrote it down then tried to sleep again, at 5am I began my swearing stage where the cat sat patiently listening to my rendition of “Why can’t I get the £&$% to sleep?”

Thursday was a tired nightmare, I was the nightmare to those around me, although my idea of what to do with a pipe cleaner was one of the winners and I got a £25 Amazon voucher.

I really need to get my knitting out… I really need to bite the bullet and let the other people know I might knit while they are talking and please don’t think it’s because I’m not interested.

This morning I woke feeling a little deflated. Still a lot of things camping in my brain, but the worst was the feelings that I couldn’t do this. I looked on Facebook, not my usual routine but someone had shared a video called Things people with Down’s Syndrome are tired of hearing. I suggest you have a watch.

The comment I loved is just one minute in. A mother with a young child answering the question, Will she be able to do things?

“Yes, she’ll be able to do everything, it’s just we’ll take the scenic route”

And so, I started my day, still a bit tired, getting a migraine, feeling like screaming or running, wanting to work away from people for a while, wishing the open office had more walls, needing to find ways to work in an environment that makes me feel paranoid, knowing that I need to find ways to work that complement my mental illness rather than destroy my passion… looking for the scenic route.


Published by bettyvirago

Betty Virago is an award winning textile designer. Based in Yorkshire, England, and known for her Northern Folk dolls and the Quilts of Hope project.

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